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| Hey Everyone,
You know what is amazing? How God knows just what we need to force us to trust him. Its like just when I'm about to take the easy way out he changes things so I just couldn't feel right if I did take the easy way out. This is what happened with my internship. Just when I was going to do it at home the offer they made me wasn't in my degree area. So I just couldn't take it and feel right about it. I had to take the offer that was farther away. Sure its scary and hard and there having trouble finding some place for me to stay, but because he has forced me to trust him I know it'll work out.
Another thing that I find to be quite amazing is the fact that I have no idea what I'm going to do when I graduate or what my future holds. Now that may sound weird but it is quite wonderful. I've always thought I knew how things were going to go. I was going to go to college, meet someone, get married, have kids and honestly I don't think I had any other plans. Well since I've come to school, life has been changing and surprising me and just being totally unexpected. For once I realize that I am capable of much more than I have ever given myself credit for. And I actually love not knowing what I'm going to do with my wisdom and my passion! Isn't that exciting? I don't know if you think so but I do!
Well Ta-Ta for now!
Gretchen
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| Hey Everyone,
So I can't believe that I decided to update this again. Well life is so different since the last time I wrote. This semester so far has been good. I did the opera which was a blast. Also, I've just come to learn a lot of things about myself that I never knew. I feel smarter, wiser, and all together happier. I'm more excited than ever about ministry and what I could do and the difference I could make. I have also learned that I need God's strength and guidance every day. I don't have much to say but maybe I'll be back!
Gretchen
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She's the Man (Widescreen Edition)
By Amanda Bynes, Channing Tatum, Laura Ramsey, Vinnie Jones, David Cross (II), Julie Hagerty, Robert Hoffman, Jonathan Sadowski, Alex Breckenridge, Amanda Crew, Jessica Lucas (II), Brandon Jay McLaren, Clifton MaCabe Murray, James Snyder, James Kirk, Emily Perkins, Robert Torti, Lynda Boyd, John Pyper-Ferguson, Katie Stuart
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Hello Again.
Its been awhile; I know. Things have been.... well, crazy to say the least. I've going to classes, barely finishing assignments, and of course "social pressures."
This break-up has been very different to deal with then I thought. It has been really hard. I have found that even though I am now free to do whatever I want whenever I want I still feel alone. I kind of feel like people treated me like I was diseased with the plague when I was with him and they still do now. I just frequently feel alone.
So now there is this friend of mine. We've known each other for a little over a year now and we're pretty good friends. Last year we were both taken and now we are both single. I really didn't think anything of it until he asked me if I wanted to hang out. Plus he started acting kinda shy around me. So we hung out this weekend and I had a really good time. But he was acting really wierd in there. He didn't sit next to me the whole time which was wierd. Plus he has ADHD and I couldn't tell if it was just that or if he was uncomfortable or what. So then he walked me back to my dorm which was sweet! So we were standing there and had stopped talking and he was still just standing there, so we hugged and he left. So then I called him tonight to see how he enjoyed RENT (which he went to see today) He actually said he was disappointed with it. So when I called him like an idiot I called when there were other people around so I was really distracted! I probably came off like a jerk so I told him I had to go because I was so distracted and I apologized. He did seem happy to hear from me. I'm definitely not ready for a relationship but I really wish I knew how he felt. It is so frustrating to not know where he stands.
Anyways this is my most recent drama so it is taking over my thoughts. Thanks for listening as I unload.
Gretchen
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| Hey Everyone,
So school has started. Other than my choir and voice lessons I have had all my classes now. I think this semester is going to be a very good one. But I have a lot of stressers and I'm already feeling overwhelmed about some things.
Well the biggest concern I have is RUSH. It is in 2 weeks and I'm really freaking out. Plus there are some conflicts in my schedule concerning RUSH. Since I'm the President of L'ami fidel it is very important that I am there. (In case you don't already know, RUSHing a social club is like the Christian version of a fraternity or serority.)
Also there is this whole issue with Josh. So I'm really happy because he and his girlfriend broke up. (bad me!) But he just e-mailed me. We haven't talked in 4 months! It made me realize that I'm not over it yet and I definitely realized that I haven't forgiven him yet. Part of me wants still to scream and yell and just let him have it.
Also I have this one person that I have always really trusted to talk to that I e-mail a lot. And sometimes we talk in person. Well, do you ever get the feeling like someone is afraid that you have inappropriate feelings for them so they try to get you to talk to someone else? Well that person just "suggested" I talk to someone else. But it was more of a "Before we meet..." kind of thing. I just hate when I give off the wrong vibe. I find it very hard to find a woman to talk to about things because women are 1) people who gossip a lot, 2) very biassed about things (not that men aren't), and 3) some are very ... bitter about past experiences. I always have someone who says, "men are stupid" and comments like that or they act like I am so low and they are so superior to me. I feel like I can't help it who I feel comfortable with. And I can't help it that most of my experiences with mentors have been bad. I just hate ending up ruining another friendship because I have given off the wrong vibe.
I am seeing a pattern in my thoughts, concerns, and behaviors. I am far to worried about what other people think. Now this isn't a new thing for me cause I always have been, but I've never actually noticed before. I probably come off as this really needy, clingy, pitiful person. I shouldn't care but I really do. I wish that I could just stop having problems cause then I could just be friends with people and not need a mentor.
Pray for me to change within myself. Pray for God to move in my heart.
Gretchen | | |
| Here I am. Its been a while. Myspace has become a new journal for me but I have realized it isn't the best place for me to write. This summer has been long, hectic, stressful, hard and painful. I am single as I believe it says in my last entry and that has been the hardest adjustment to deal with. Also since then he has found someone else. And I'm going to be honest in saying that it bothers me on so many levels for so many reasons. Now as hard as it is, I know that I cannot be jumping into any rebound superficial relationship just to make me feel better. But I've cried myself to sleep and I've yelled and I've been so angry. My anger problem is getting bigger and bigger.
On a lighter note, I've been helping out with the worship team at my church and I've lead Sunday morning worship 3 times now. It has been a really good experience and has changed my mind about the music ministry.
The newest struggle for me is so silly. Just as I said I am not going to jump into any relationship for a very long time. The struggle is that there is this guy that I've liked for years and he goes to my church. Well, he sat next to me at Sunday School when I got back and ever since I've been intimidated to talk to him. I have talked to him a few times but nothing very impacting. Well I really lost my opportunity because now he is dating this girl from our church. I know that I could still get to know him which was the plan in the first place but I just feel really stupid for not taking any chances.
I'm very nervous about this school year. I want for it to go well but I haven't done the most quality job on that whole healing thing. I'm afraid I'll either be an emotional mess, or I'll hide behind my classes and activities and not get any better. I could honestly use all of your prayers for me and my heart. Pray that I would grow up, stop pitying myself and step out of my comfort zone!
I know this hasn't been the most joyful update but I hope that it helps you to understand where I am at. Thank you all for being here for me!
Gretchen (I like my name in this font!)
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